My Revelation on the Island of Patmos: Part 5 of 5

Thankful

”Oh, that men would give thanks to the Lord for His goodness, and for His wonderful works to the children of men!” Psalm 107

The debilitating electrical pain from Trigeminal Neuralgia caused me to gradually lose function of my limbs. Any hint of movement would release shocks of pain through the left side of my face, so I lay on my right side as still as possible for days on end. The blinding beams of pain and suffering were all-consuming.

Then God brought beauty from the ashes I was covered in. The pain diminished and an adequate amount of relief enabled me to sit up in bed. With tears filling my eyes, I found no other words except a continual “Thank You God, thank You God, thank You God.”

As I write this today, my eyes become misty at the sheer memory of that day.

Supernaturally, my soul was transformed in a mere moment. Instead of being dominated by despair and grief, simple things that I typically overlooked and took for granted came to mind, like the ability to lift my head, move my arms, sit up in bed, and walk.

As I considered these things, my heart was overcome with gratitude. Simple prayers welled-up within within me, “God, thank You for arms and legs that move. Thank You for lungs that breathe. Thank You for eyes that see and a heart that beats.”

Being a nurse I reflected on the intricacies of the body’s anatomy and physiology and was thankful for my Glorious Maker Who created my fascinating and complex frame.

The simple movement of sitting up in bed without pain inundated my heart with more thankfulness than I was accustomed to experiencing.

Recalling the harshly agonizing days and the sincere gratitude I felt during the moments of respite gives me pause to consider and measure how appreciative I am today.

Oh the hideous nature of man to forget so easily all that we have to be genuinely grateful for! Regardless of the situation or pain, there is always beauty to be seen if we but have eyes to see. God have mercy and help us see the beauty.

There is a song of gratitude that we sing during Pesach (Passover) called “דיינו” (Dayenu) meaning, “That alone would have been enough for us.”

The song describes what the Lord has done to be good to Israel. After each description we sing, “that alone would have been enough for us,” as an expression of our thankfulness.

Here are a few lines from the “Dayenu” lyrics:
If God had only brought us out of Egypt… that alone would have been enough for us.

If God had only taken us through the Sea on dry land… that alone would have been enough for us.

If God had only given us the Torah… that alone would have been enough for us.

If God had only brought us to Israel… that alone would have been enough for us.

If God had only built us the Holy Temple… that alone would have been enough for us.

In times of suffering I am learning that I can continue to be thankful for things great and small.

From the beauty of a sunrise, to food, housing and clothing;

To my family who loves me and a tiny, pinky finger working.

God is good and His mercy endures, and this I do believe.

There’s something to be thankful for if we but open our eyes and see.

Abba, in Heaven, thank You for prayer and for wanting to communicate with me. Thank You for intimacy with You Who are Holy.

My Revelation on the Island of Patmos: Part 4 of 5

I Can Do All Things

In 2012, while on the island of Patmos, the pain of trigeminal neuralgia became debilitating. Many days were spent lying still on my right side trying to decrease all painful stimulants to the left side of my face.

Surges of pain increased as I continued to combat facial muscle spasms, burning and sensations of electricity. Being wearied by the years of endurance, I was slipping in and out of hope that the pain would end.

Being mentally and physically exhausted, I drew a dangerous conclusion: “I can’t do this anymore.” It seemingly felt easier to not work the muscle of hope nor to believe that God would deliver me.

Oh how deceiving! It was actually harder to live under the dark cloud of hopelessness.

There is life and glorious possibilities within hope and faith. As my hope waned, I found only depression and an internal death.

What I am saying is simple and is an easily forgone conclusion. The necessity of hope and faith are required to remain alive within. Hope is vital to emotional, spiritual and even physical life.

Being intimately acquainted with a hope filled life and a life of despair, I can attest that a life of despair is a much more difficult life to live.

A life of despair is no life at all really. Despair drained me of life.

The horrid reality of trigeminal neuralgia is that many who do not find relief within three years choose to embrace death; thus, it is called the “suicide disease.”

When pain and death are around and within, the answer is not more death. The answer is freedom and life.

“Where the Spirit of the Lord is there is freedom,” and “Yeshua is the way, the truth and life.”

(2 Corinthians 3:17, John 14:16)

Faith

Fortunately, my friend from Israel called while I was in this tailspin. Wearily I confessed my true thoughts, “I can’t do this anymore.”

With all the flare of a true Israeli, my friend responded with genuine honesty, “Where is your faith? Don’t you believe that you ‘can do all things through the Messiah who strengthens’ you?”

Ouch!

As I basked in the deceptive light of self-pity, I expected my friend to stroke me with words of sympathy. Instead, gently the harsh truth and direct words were spoken in love.

My friend’s words woke me up and challenged me in the basic truths of my faith.

Knowing that I believed in Yeshua and the words of the Bible, to my friend without guile it was only logical that I would believe what God says.

My time of suffering and endurance was a life test. Did I believe the Scriptures or not? When I awoke from my stupor and chose to exercise my muscle of hope, the Word of God was cemented into my heart.

Let me just say, many a time I had been the recipient of my friend’s compassions. The compassionate heart made a way for the sword-like tongue to destroy the lies that were destroying me.

After hearing and awakening to truth, I ceased to say, “I cannot do this.” The truth was internalized and my mind was changed. “I can do all things because Yeshua strengthens me.” I can do nothing without Him, but by leaning on my Beloved I will arise.

By changing my internal conversation with God, I was released from the heavy power of despair that had haunted me on and off for years.

“This I know, my Redeemer lives and in the end He will stand on the Earth. After my skin has been destroyed, this I know, that In my flesh I will see God. …Oh, how my heart yearns within me!”

(Job 19:25-27)

He will come and save, and He will remove all tears and pain.

Until the fullness of healing is realized and all the pain is lifted from my face, I know that I can do all things and endure all things through Yeshua my Messiah Who gives me strength.

(Philippians 4:13)

My Revelation on the Island of Patmos: Part 1 of 5

The Island of Patmos

Having suffered two years from trigeminal neuralgia and then having a near three years of respite from the pain, it was terrifying to feel the sensations of electricity begin again.

The benefits of the first two brain surgeries began to wane in 2012. I was still recovering from the trauma of the torturous pain and from the two months in a hospital undergoing the surgeries and overcoming the complications.

And now again, with each passing day the pain in my face was substantially increasing.

When the pain first began my stubborn spirit was against having yet another surgery. Because of my resistance to medical treatments, my loved ones and I felt that a change of scenery away from the spiritual and physical intensities of Jerusalem could be helpful.

On the island of Patmos there is a lovely couple who owned a quaint and quite stunning bed and breakfast. Their refuge was on a hill with a picturesque and impressive view of the turquoise Aegean Sea.

This couple have a unique affinity towards Israelis and those whose lives have been consecrated to God. Two Israeli friends, the Burger brothers, yearly escaped to this island home for extended time alone with God. They paved the way for my own arrival.

The apostle John was imprisoned for the gospel on this small island of Patmos. It was here that he had the astounding and in-depth “revelation of Yeshua the Messiah” that is recorded in the book of Revelation,

Though I was crazily afflicted with attacks of pain, my hopes were high that the Transcendent One would heal my body and perhaps visit me with a dream or vision like He gave John.

He did it for John, so why not me?