I Have Not Forgotten You

Psalm 44

For ones who are suffering or even facing martyrdom.

(Reading time 3.7 minutes)

Within Psalm 44 there are countless, insightful treasures in how to sustain a heart during suffering. These golden nuggets of wisdom direct us into a faithful heart of love that remembers our God Who spoke holy vows to us in an everlasting covenant.

“You make us a reproach to our neighbors, a scorn and a derision to those all around us. You make us a byword among the nations, a shaking of the head among the peoples. My dishonor is continually before me, and the shame of my face has covered me, because of the voice of him who reproaches and reviles, because of the enemy and the avenger.”

“All of this has come upon us and we have not forgotten You and we have not dealt falsely with Your covenant. Our heart has not turned back and our steps are not deviated from Your way. Yet, You have crushed us…and covered us with the shadow of death.”

Psalm 44:13-19

Oh the beauty of a suffering heart that remembers the tender affections and promises of her God. Oh the endearment of the Bridegroom God Who gave His hand to us in an everlasting covenant of compassionate love, justice and faithfulness.

The sons of Korah, the authors of Psalm 44, are not strangers to feeling crushed. Their father Korah, a Levite, led a rebellion and their young eyes saw the earth open and swallow their father and friends alive after Moses prophesied the earth would open and carry them to Sheol. Yet, the Lord spared the sons of Korah. (Numbers 26:11)

These sons knew suffering and loss, yet, while in pain they were magnificently struck with and molded by the fear of the Lord.

“If we had forgotten the name of our God or extended our hands to a strange god, would not God find this out? For He knows the secrets of the hearts. But for Your sake we are killed all day long.” Psalm 44:20-21

God is able to discern the desires and intentions of each heart. We can deceive ourselves and others, but Yeshua, Who is Truth, knows our hearts and cannot be manipulated to believe anything less than what is real.

The sons of Korah grasped God’s omniscience, knowing even the secrets of their hearts. Through the Spirit of the fear of the LORD this knowledge hedged them in to only seek after Elohim and love Him wholeheartedly.

Making known His unfailing love, they grew to be consumed with yearning for God. Their “tongues were pens of a ready writer.” (Psalm 45) As they sang prophetic songs of God’s beauty and of their desire for Him, verses were brilliantly composed that have gone on to transcend ages and generations.

“As the deer pants for water so my soul longs for You, O God. …When can I come and appear before God?” Psalm 42:1 -2

“My heart overflows with a good theme… You are fairer than the sons of men. Grace is poured upon Your lips.” Psalm 45:1-2

“My soul longs, yes, even faints for the courts of the LORD. My heart and my flesh cry out for the living God.” Psalm 84:2

The pleasures of the Presence of God awakened a determination to be close to Him and an unadulterated desire for Him that churned within. Yearning for God shined brightly, and this light was not diminished when they were “crushed.”

Being crushed like a rose, the sweet-smelling incense of worship was drawn out of them “delighting the heart” of God. (Proverbs 27:9) This aroma of love as strong as death permeates through the firmament, satiates the courtroom of God and delights God’s soul.

Prayer

Yeshua, strengthen the hearts of those who are suffering or even facing martyrdom. Help them remember You. Fill them with the Spirit of the fear of the Lord. In Your mercy capture their desires and ignite the flame of Love within them, the love as strong as death, unyielding as the grave, the very flame of Yah that cannot be quenched.

My Revelation on the Island of Patmos: Part 5 of 5

Thankful

”Oh, that men would give thanks to the Lord for His goodness, and for His wonderful works to the children of men!” Psalm 107

The debilitating electrical pain from Trigeminal Neuralgia caused me to gradually lose function of my limbs. Any hint of movement would release shocks of pain through the left side of my face, so I lay on my right side as still as possible for days on end. The blinding beams of pain and suffering were all-consuming.

Then God brought beauty from the ashes I was covered in. The pain diminished and an adequate amount of relief enabled me to sit up in bed. With tears filling my eyes, I found no other words except a continual “Thank You God, thank You God, thank You God.”

As I write this today, my eyes become misty at the sheer memory of that day.

Supernaturally, my soul was transformed in a mere moment. Instead of being dominated by despair and grief, simple things that I typically overlooked and took for granted came to mind, like the ability to lift my head, move my arms, sit up in bed, and walk.

As I considered these things, my heart was overcome with gratitude. Simple prayers welled-up within within me, “God, thank You for arms and legs that move. Thank You for lungs that breathe. Thank You for eyes that see and a heart that beats.”

Being a nurse I reflected on the intricacies of the body’s anatomy and physiology and was thankful for my Glorious Maker Who created my fascinating and complex frame.

The simple movement of sitting up in bed without pain inundated my heart with more thankfulness than I was accustomed to experiencing.

Recalling the harshly agonizing days and the sincere gratitude I felt during the moments of respite gives me pause to consider and measure how appreciative I am today.

Oh the hideous nature of man to forget so easily all that we have to be genuinely grateful for! Regardless of the situation or pain, there is always beauty to be seen if we but have eyes to see. God have mercy and help us see the beauty.

There is a song of gratitude that we sing during Pesach (Passover) called “דיינו” (Dayenu) meaning, “That alone would have been enough for us.”

The song describes what the Lord has done to be good to Israel. After each description we sing, “that alone would have been enough for us,” as an expression of our thankfulness.

Here are a few lines from the “Dayenu” lyrics:
If God had only brought us out of Egypt… that alone would have been enough for us.

If God had only taken us through the Sea on dry land… that alone would have been enough for us.

If God had only given us the Torah… that alone would have been enough for us.

If God had only brought us to Israel… that alone would have been enough for us.

If God had only built us the Holy Temple… that alone would have been enough for us.

In times of suffering I am learning that I can continue to be thankful for things great and small.

From the beauty of a sunrise, to food, housing and clothing;

To my family who loves me and a tiny, pinky finger working.

God is good and His mercy endures, and this I do believe.

There’s something to be thankful for if we but open our eyes and see.

Abba, in Heaven, thank You for prayer and for wanting to communicate with me. Thank You for intimacy with You Who are Holy.

My Revelation on the Island of Patmos: Part 4 of 5

I Can Do All Things

In 2012, while on the island of Patmos, the pain of trigeminal neuralgia became debilitating. Many days were spent lying still on my right side trying to decrease all painful stimulants to the left side of my face.

Surges of pain increased as I continued to combat facial muscle spasms, burning and sensations of electricity. Being wearied by the years of endurance, I was slipping in and out of hope that the pain would end.

Being mentally and physically exhausted, I drew a dangerous conclusion: “I can’t do this anymore.” It seemingly felt easier to not work the muscle of hope nor to believe that God would deliver me.

Oh how deceiving! It was actually harder to live under the dark cloud of hopelessness.

There is life and glorious possibilities within hope and faith. As my hope waned, I found only depression and an internal death.

What I am saying is simple and is an easily forgone conclusion. The necessity of hope and faith are required to remain alive within. Hope is vital to emotional, spiritual and even physical life.

Being intimately acquainted with a hope filled life and a life of despair, I can attest that a life of despair is a much more difficult life to live.

A life of despair is no life at all really. Despair drained me of life.

The horrid reality of trigeminal neuralgia is that many who do not find relief within three years choose to embrace death; thus, it is called the “suicide disease.”

When pain and death are around and within, the answer is not more death. The answer is freedom and life.

“Where the Spirit of the Lord is there is freedom,” and “Yeshua is the way, the truth and life.”

(2 Corinthians 3:17, John 14:16)

Faith

Fortunately, my friend from Israel called while I was in this tailspin. Wearily I confessed my true thoughts, “I can’t do this anymore.”

With all the flare of a true Israeli, my friend responded with genuine honesty, “Where is your faith? Don’t you believe that you ‘can do all things through the Messiah who strengthens’ you?”

Ouch!

As I basked in the deceptive light of self-pity, I expected my friend to stroke me with words of sympathy. Instead, gently the harsh truth and direct words were spoken in love.

My friend’s words woke me up and challenged me in the basic truths of my faith.

Knowing that I believed in Yeshua and the words of the Bible, to my friend without guile it was only logical that I would believe what God says.

My time of suffering and endurance was a life test. Did I believe the Scriptures or not? When I awoke from my stupor and chose to exercise my muscle of hope, the Word of God was cemented into my heart.

Let me just say, many a time I had been the recipient of my friend’s compassions. The compassionate heart made a way for the sword-like tongue to destroy the lies that were destroying me.

After hearing and awakening to truth, I ceased to say, “I cannot do this.” The truth was internalized and my mind was changed. “I can do all things because Yeshua strengthens me.” I can do nothing without Him, but by leaning on my Beloved I will arise.

By changing my internal conversation with God, I was released from the heavy power of despair that had haunted me on and off for years.

“This I know, my Redeemer lives and in the end He will stand on the Earth. After my skin has been destroyed, this I know, that In my flesh I will see God. …Oh, how my heart yearns within me!”

(Job 19:25-27)

He will come and save, and He will remove all tears and pain.

Until the fullness of healing is realized and all the pain is lifted from my face, I know that I can do all things and endure all things through Yeshua my Messiah Who gives me strength.

(Philippians 4:13)